Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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