The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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