wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
