I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
