I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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