So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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