do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
