Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
