im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
