I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
