I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
