I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
