Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
