I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
