That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
