Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it glows. i had to have it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
