Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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