I want to walk on stilts...naked
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
