you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
