They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
