the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you inspire me to be a worse person
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
