You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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