I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
