I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
