They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
