I need moral support for this bender
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
