First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
