Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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