Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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