how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
