She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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