the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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