Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
