fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
