Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
