i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
