You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
