he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
