quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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