Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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