are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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