My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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