so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
