Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
