Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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