I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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