I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
