Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
