one two three fourrrrnication!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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