we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
