Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
