yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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