I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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