Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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