Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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