there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
