dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
