there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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