my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
