after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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