after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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