Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
